No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
