I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
