When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Just high enough for therapy.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
