You were right. It hurts to walk today.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Randomize
