glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
