im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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