We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Dude my mom stole all your condoms
All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Randomize
