I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
