I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Randomize
