Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
