Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Randomize
