And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
