every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
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