Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Randomize
