How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Randomize
