Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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