Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
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