I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
i believe in u and ur pee
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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