When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
