You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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