Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
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