apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
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