the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Randomize
