I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Randomize
