I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
it's great music for shaving your balls
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
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