Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
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