i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I didn't notice because vodka
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Randomize
