Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
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