So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Randomize
