You smell like a Billy Joel song
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Randomize
