your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
We don't watch enough power rangers
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Randomize
