Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Randomize
