so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
