It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
