Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
