Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
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