We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
