Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Who died my cat blue again?
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