you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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