all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
