Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
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