I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
