guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Randomize
