Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
