Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
