then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
