no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
