Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
