we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
