I never want to see another naked old woman again.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
