he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I just want nice things and good sex
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
