Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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